The Cost of War
by Sandylee007
Summary: HEAVY CIVIL WAR SPOILERS! When the war is over, or at least taking a break, Steve wants to ask Clint 'why'. The answer is simple and heartbreaking. ONESHOT mentions of ClintxLaura
A/N: SO... I just saw the movie yesterday. I LOVED IT! It also shattered my heart every bit as much as I thought it might. Steve and Tony pummeling each other – and especially Steve pummeling Tony…! I had hard time keeping my eyes open through it. And then there was Clint, who retired to enjoy spending time with his family and came back to discover that thing had gone to hell. And now… Well, those of you who've seen the movie know what happened. (sniffles)

WARNINGS: HEAVY 'Civil War' spoilers… Aaaand… Actually, that's it! I think I even saved my worst language for the author's notes… (And I'd use far worse language due to the feels the movie caused but, well, Steve's involved…)

DISCLAIMER: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?! Nope, I own absolutely nothing. If I didn't there's no way I would've had the heart to make the team fight each other. **I ALSO DON'T OWN THE OPENING FLASHBACK.** It's pure owned by the creators of 'Age of Ultron'.

TAKES PLACE: After Steve broke his crew free from the prison and they'd made it to safety. (For the record, I actually had to read that line of mine twice to believe it…! What did I just watch?!)

Awkay, because I've been stalling way more than long enough… Let's go! I really hope that you'll enjoy this mini-ride.

* * *

 ** _The Cost of War_**

* * *

/ _"You don't think they need me."_

 _"I think they do, which is a lot scarier. They're a mess."_

 _"Yeah. I guess they're my mess."_

 _"You need to be sure that this team is really a team and that they have your back."_ /

* * *

It was over, in so many ways. After all the fighting… After all the words and deeds that couldn't be taken back it was over. In so many ways.

In the end Zemo's plan worked perfectly, after all. The Avengers as they once were had been destroyed. Shredded from the inside, left divided like the shards of a broken mirror. Half of them were now criminals, fugitives on the run.

Steve buried his face into his hands and breathed sharply, in and out. It hurt like hell. It did nothing to help with the guilt and nausea.

Was he guilty over what he'd done? Or because there was a piece of him which recognized that he didn't regret at all, not really, because he only did what he had to? He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know.

Finally moving his hands from his face Steve looked at them as though not really recognizing. Perhaps in a way he didn't. His name and reputation were in shambles. He no longer had his shield. So who was he anymore, really?

No longer the hero he was once, that was for sure. And not the criminal most of the world probably now saw him as. Just a man who tried his all to protect his best friend. A man who failed spectacularly although no lives were lost.

Feeling claustrophobic in the massive room he'd been pacing in Steve decided to take a walk. It didn't take more than three minutes until he froze, uncertain. Clint stood on a nearby balcony, staring into the horizon with vacant eyes. It took longer than it should've before Steve managed to convince himself into approaching.

"You alright?"

A sharp twinge went through Steve when he realized that it wasn't his voice asking the question. He opened his mouth twice, then shook his head. "No", he admitted eventually, stopping beside his friend. "I'm pretty sure that none of us is 'alright'." He hesitated before continuing. "How's Laura taking all this?"

Clint gritted his teeth so hard that it had to hurt and shuddered visibly. It took a while before the answer finally came. "I… don't know. I don't trust any phone line enough to risk calling her." For a few seconds the archer's eyes seemed misty but it could've been caused by the sunlight. "I don't even know where they are. They've had a secret hiding place since…" Despite the time that'd passed Loki still wasn't mentioned by the name. The trickster's weight still lay heavily on the Hawk's shoulders. "I told them to go there, just in case, before I left. Nate… He's just a baby and Lila… She only turned six yesterday." The pain was visible and audible. "I couldn't risk anyone being able to find them, if things went wrong." And things had gone _wrong_.

Steve felt like someone had plunged a knife through his heart. Such an unimaginable price for coming to his aid… "I'm so sorry…"

Finally Clint looked at him. The archer's eyes were ablaze. "Cap, just don't. I'm a grown man. I'm capable of making my own decisions and facing the consequences." The Hawk shrugged and looked away once more, eyes narrowing a little. There was a brief, bitter chuckle. "I just… I made the stupid mistake of hoping that I wouldn't really have to choose a side. That I wouldn't have to hurt anyone."

Steve didn't know what to say to that so he kept his quiet. A strange sound he couldn't identify was carried through the air. There was a lot he didn't know or recognize in this bizarre new world of theirs. The thought made him feel sick. "When I gave the call… Why did you come?" The soldier wasn't sure if he wanted to know. But the question had been burning his mind. He _needed to_ know.

"Because you're my friend and you needed me." Was it really as simple as that? Clint swallowed loudly. "Besides… I know what it's like to have your mind taken over. I couldn't just look the other way."

Those words were another verbal stab. Even worse than the first one. Steve hadn't been much of a friend lately, had he? Clint… Sam… Wanda… Scott… He dragged them all into this mess. And he didn't dare to start even guessing what the other side of the war looked like.

They stood there for a mighty while. Deep in thought, weighed down by the whole fiasco that was by no means over yet. At the moment the only thing they knew for certain was that their lives would never be the same again.

"Thank you. For… everything." Steve had most likely never said a thing he would've meant more.

Clint seemed to figure out as much. The Hawk looked at him and nodded slowly. Then gave a nearly genuine grin. "Now enough with the grim face, Cap." The archer gesture towards the view spreading in front of and below them. "There are worse places to be stuck in."

Steve didn't smile. One corner of his lips twitched, though. "Yeah, there are."

For now they'd catch their breaths. Think things through. And then… Then Steve would make sure that Clint would find his way back to his family. Because he owed his friend at least that much. Because at least one thing would have to come out of the whole disaster unbroken.

* * *

 ** _End._**

* * *

A/N: Oh boy, did the movie leave a lot of things shattered…! I really hope that Clint finds his way back to his family soon. And that the whole Avengers family manages to move on from this somehow. (sighs) BUT AT LEAST THEY'RE ALL ALIVE! Hooray!

Sooooo… Thoughts? Comments? The bow down below is hungry and would appreciate being fed. (grins)

In any case, thank you so much for reading! And who knows. Maybe I'll see ya again later?

Take care!


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